A Perfect Alliance

There are rare times when all the forces of man and nature seem to enter into a perfect alliance - a blessed convergence of intention and chance. And my Esteemed Husband and I were fortunate enough to be witness to one of those times last night.

We were honored to be guests at a wedding that was remarkable in very many ways...from the absolutely gorgeous weather to the coolest wedding cake ever.





The evening somehow managed to be simultaneously fun, funky and elegant. There were tiny toys scattered in the center of the tables and nostalgic candy as favors.

Got to chat at length with the ever-entertaining and witty Merujo.
I "smoked" a toy cigarette, reveling in the political incorrectness.

But that was all just window dressing compared to the real joy of witnessing a man and woman pledge their love to each other...with the sense that yes, the union of these two lives is just so right.

I'm still smiling.

(Even as I vow to be back to my usual cranky self very soon...)

And they served Vomitting Lion water. (You knew I had to get smart-alec-y sooner or later...)

That Was Then...

...and she just turned 8.

Newborn in '99



Exploring a hotel room floor in 2000 (very sanitary)


Leather....mmmm....


11 months old, many months ago...

Second Life Machinima

This is my first experiment with YouTube on the Suburban Masquerade. (Yeah, welcome to the 21st century and all...)

Anyway, for your viewing pleasure -- a peek at the Second Life steampunk town where my virtual self is often seen wandering around aimlessly.

It was made by one Loki Elliot, the urchin featured in the video.

The Tina Fey Experiment

A couple of weeks ago, inspired by a post on arubberdoor, I began a research project: to see just how many strangely pathetic people would be drawn to my strangely pathetic blog if I entitled a post "Tina Fey's Boobs."

I may be breaking some unwritten blog law by divulging that I have the tools to monitor such things as search terms. But, in the name of science, I will not only reveal that I do have that capability, but also just how few people actually come to my blog intentionally.

Oh well...

Here is the raw data:

Perc. Search Term

7.14% buy wood rosin
7.14% tina fey boobs
5.36% whirlpool calypso drain hose blocked
3.57% how do you break a calypso washer
3.57% my albatross symbol
3.57% eee cup
1.79% what ever happened to alizee
1.79% painkiller shot
1.79% dofus stools
1.79% whirlpool calypso ld drain hose blocked
1.79% long questions and long answer
1.79% spending christmas with jesus this year ornament
1.79% wood resin as a drink additive
1.79% comedy fart humor cd
1.79% the word troy on her panties
1.79% britney trailer park awful
1.79% cleavage
1.79% whirlpool calypso ld drain hose
1.79% song title costumes
1.79% suburban preppy
1.79% wood rosin in soda
1.79% britney trailer park
1.79% the mind of a six year old
1.79% suv symbolism
1.79% chuck e cheese cake taste
1.79% zeke leos
1.79% mcdonalds iced coffee ingredients
1.79% cabrio long drain
1.79% the comedians of comedy music credits
1.79% sears washing machine lemon law
1.79% homosexual wegmans
1.79% jerry seinfeld on leno in december 2005
1.79% diet drinks, glycerol ester of wood rosin
1.79% vince dementri
1.79% wing piano company
1.79% i'm spending my time with jesus this year christmas ornament
1.79% mcdonalds hazelnut iced coffee
1.79% masquerade party, pictures, what do they look like?
1.79% the masquerade november 10
1.79% trailer park britney
1.79% average 25-year old has had cavities
1.79% spending my christmas with jesus ornament
1.79% we are magic 80's
1.79% 50 cents lucky?
1.79% michael penn wing piano


And now for my incredibly insightful analysis...

I'm sure Ms. Fey would be quite pleased to see that her boobs are right up there at the top of the list, tied with wood rosin.

But are they? Actually, wood rosin wins! See, glycerol ester of wood rosin is an suspension agent in some citrus soft drinks, and when you combine all the wood rosin/soft drink searches, my in-depth investigation into soda ingredients is indeed the biggest draw my blog has.

Then again...maybe "buy wood rosin" isn't the same thing as wanting to know about the ester of wood rosin in Fresca. Judges?

Even with disqualifying rosin, it seems a poorly-designed appliance beats Tina's appropriately-designed cleavage. Because...

...when similar search terms are combined we have a greater percentage dealing with the Calypso washing machine than with Tina's ta-tas. Sad, but true.

To the searchers who asked, "How do you break a Calypso washer?" I answer, "By using it."

And "What ever happened to alizee?" Gosh, I just don't know. But now I'm starting to worry about her.

Who is it that keeps looking for "homosexual Wegmans?" This phrase pops up all the time in my stats. Whomever it is seems to be rather fixated. Out yourself!

The saddest search? "Spending My Christmas with Jesus" This is obviously a seasonal one, and I'll probably see more and more of it as we get closer to the holiday. Always feel a bit remorseful when it turns up, because I imagine someone making a sincere search and ending up on my mocking page that also features a farting stuffed animal. Stop making me feel human emotion! Let me go back to being the cold, cynical creature I was born to be.

I suspect the search for "the word troy on her panties" has something to do with the unfortunate discovery of Walt-would-blush-if-he-weren't-frozen photos of High School Musical's Vanessa Hudgens. Although I can't remember writing anything that put "troy" and "panties" in the same post.

Moving on...does anyone know where I can get me one of those "dofus stools?" I have an empty corner in my family room just crying out for one. All my seating is way too intelligent for its own good.

Finally, I'm happy to see a couple Michael Penn-related searches here. If you have eyes, even with the most fleeting sideways glance at my blog from across a crowded room it's pretty obvious I'm a huge fan of Mr. Penn's music.

I just think he's the cat's meow -- a super-talented artist -- and I'm always trying to do my part to spread the word. Let all followers of MP unite and together we'll take over the world (non-violently, of course) -- wielding the mighty sword of reason and the irresistible power of a catchy hook. Imagine that.

(Um, can you tell I haven't been getting enough sleep? Insomnia can be your friend, if you let it. At least that's what it told me this morning over coffee.)

Evidently, The Comedians of Comedy documentary was on Comedy Central recently, because last week there was a flurry of searches for "Down by the Riverside" which runs over the credits. By the way, that song is now available as a bonus track on the remastered version of Michael Penn's "Mr. Hollywood Jr., 1947."

So now you know.

Then The Monkey

Heavenly hosts sing "alleluia" -- today was the first day of school in our district.

To celebrate, Esteemed Husband and I fulfilled our suburban-couple-with-no-kids-to-care-for requirements: we took a long walk around the development (rejoicing in the lawns that are just as weedy and overgrown as ours!) had sushi for lunch, Starbucks frappuccinos for dessert (I think EH would recommend the raspberry-mocha variety) and topped off our walk-on-the-mild-side excursion by heading to Trader Joe's for trail mix and dark chocolate.

It is as we approached this last stop that my story begins...

Rounding the corner in our suburbia-approved SUV (I'm still full of disdain for the SUV btw...I will try and work my evil sedan influence on EH when this lease ends) we spotted a small cluster of folks at a folding table outside the Trader Joe's.

Hanging from the side of the table was a poster/sketch of the current president of the U.S. (who I like to refer to as "He Who Should Not Have Been Elected") looking very Alfred E. Neuman-ish.

Written under the picture was: "Like a Rock -- Only Dumber."

EH and I got a little chuckle out of that, and I was not-so-secretly pleased to see something controversial in our little neck of stepford-urbia.

I was really wishing I had my camera with me...but descriptions will have to suffice.

Seeing the name "LaRouche" on some other flyers hanging from the table discouraged us from actually approaching the 2 or 3 folks manning it as we left our car and walked towards the store. They didn't seem to be actively trying to attract our attention either.

Just inside the entrance of the Trader Joe's was a large sign. (Again, a camera would have been really helpful!) At the top: "You have the right to distraction-free shopping" and it went on to say that no one was allowed to solicit/politicize/etc. on store property. (Evidently the little grassy triangle the LaRouche camp had their table on by their front entrance did not fall under the store's jurisdiction.)

The Trader Joe's sign ended by telling customers to "feel free to ignore" people at "cheap plastic folding tables."

So obviously the diatribe was specifically aimed at the folks outside. Unveiled hostility - awesome!

For me, this little spat made the whole shopping experience one-thousand-times better. I practically skipped through the crowded store aisles, not even the least bit annoyed by the overabundance of marginally-rude customers that Trader Joe's seems to attract.

On the way out, I really wanted to do something -- give the table-crew a thumbs-up or whatever. But, the LaRouche connection is a little bit scary -- I'm anti-Bush, not crazy. So I just smiled in their general direction.

Mostly because several of the posters hanging from the table read:

"IMPEACH CHENEY NOW

THEN THE MONKEY"

Tee hee.

Yeah, I'm easily amused. Even so, this was the best first day of school ever!