Friday, December 22, 2006

Sleighful of Cellulite

For the past few weeks, the establishment where I work out (okay, usually I'm dropping my kids off for classes and going across the street to Target, but occasionally I do work out) has had a table of gift baskets set up near the front desk. A raffle for members - with a free ticket every time they swiped your card.

At least that's how it was supposed to work. But it seemed the ladies at the desk were rather swamped with class registrations the last two weeks and didn't offer a ticket to most people.

Including our little familial group.

But on Tuesday, Esteemed Husband and I had a couple of minutes before the children were done their class, so we went back to the desk and specifically asked for tickets.

And - lo and behold - this afternoon I got a call saying I had won Basket #1.

Which, it turns out, isn't actually a basket, but a wooden sleigh full of all sorts of packaged sweets.


Yes, Virginia, there is a Santa Claus -- and evidently, he likes his women Rubenesque.

There's gotta be at least ten boxes of stuff shrinkwrapped in my Sleigh of Joy - and the name Ghirardelli is featured prominently...

Wait - I'm counting -- I think there's 15 boxes.

And Peanut Brittle! (Does anyone remember my peanut bar thing?)

Oh my freakin' diabetic-in-the-making gawd!

(Now, let's not ruin the mood with cynical speculations as to why an establishment theoretically devoted to increasing the health of its members would give away this massively-beautiful collection of sugar and fat...)

I've got to take a picture of it, but I'm not sure if I can hold my hands steady enough to get a clear shot while in such close proximity to its awesome caloric power!

There's even a cool-looking box of mint puffs emblazoned "King Leo" -- a brand I hadn't heard of before. I'm not a major peppermint fan, but a major fan of Leos (as in the astrological sign of my Esteemed Husband, and well, Leo my dead cat.)

Hmmm, I've never been a huge believer in spirits, but if this King Leo thing is a sign that my kitty is making some sort of magical food-raffle-winning sh*t happen from beyond the grave...?

I knew I loved that darn cat.

Happy holidays everyone - from me and my ever-expanding thighs.

Sunday, December 10, 2006

Everything's Coming Up Hummels!

First of all, even I don't know what I mean by that title.

But that's what happens when you spend 12 hours straight becoming intimately familiar with a bunch of cutesy-cutesy figurines.

Several months ago, I agreed to help my in-laws sell a collection of Hummel figurines on eBay...forgetting that I am way too obsessive to ever have anything be as easy as it would appear to be on the surface.

I put the project off until the holiday buying season in an effort to capture some of the gift-giving market, ensuring that it would also take a massive chunk out of my own holiday prep time.

All this exposition just another explanation/excuse as to why I've not been blogging.

Anyway, if you happen to know anyone who collects these darling little porcelain urchins, please check out everything I'm selling.

They are priced to sell -- really cheap, if you're into that kind of thing. A total of lots and lots to save on shipping!


I also put up some Breeder's Cup swag that I got at work...PS2 game, t-shirt, cap, cards, cup holder -- all brand spankin' new. (Spanking not included.)


Yesterday, we had our annual "Christmas Photo Shoot" -- when we take the girls' photos for our Christmas cards.

It's a wonderful family tradition, and like every family tradition worth immortalizing, it traditionally ends in tears. (See last year's "Adventures in Photographic Hell.")

However, 2006 will go down in the record books as the first time in our family history that all eyes stayed dry during the picture-taking process.

Yeah, I almost cried from frustration as the kids kept screwing around making funny faces...almost cursed as the Elder Daughter pinched her acting-angelic-for-a-second sister...almost threw the camera at the wall as the no-longer-acting-angelic Little Miss Deep Thinker decided to roll back on the couch and kick her legs up in the air just as the shutter finally went off.

But somehow I managed to control myself.

I suspect the wholesomeness of the Hummels has rubbed off on me.

Oh, did I forget to mention that they're MAGICAL? Of course, you'd have to buy them to discover their true powers for yourself.