Here, There (& Everywhere In Between)

Since my last post I've seen the end of the school year, the beginning and end of a vacation, and a severe case of internet withdrawal.

And somehow, I managed to survived.

So...here are my observations (seasoned liberally with the complaints and whining you've come to know and love) in no particular order...


THE SCHOOL PICNIC

I'll probably go down in elementary school history as the Worst Room Mom Ever. I guess you could say that I just don't have the disposition or the inclination to play along with The Way Things Are Supposed To Be Done.

This became apparent early on, Halloween, when I told some other moms that I was happy that my Elder Daughter's teacher wanted the Halloween party to be low-key. (Which played very well into my plans to not bring any more cheap plastic Dollar-store-esque junk into our households.)

However, the other moms clucked amongst themselves about the lack of planned activities. In the spirit of fake vampire teeth everywhere, I couldn't help but think, "Bite me."

But my most excruciating room-mom moment was a couple weeks ago when Elder Daughter and her class were having their last-day-of-5th-grade picnic. Three of us mothers stood around while the children ate and frolicked and the like.

Which was merely boring until the other mothers began comparing notes about where they took their daughters for their pedicures (and one detailed her middle-school daughter's eyebrow waxing!)

During which I am singing "One of these moms is not like the other..." over and over in my head while I remained outwardly mute with my very best fake-pleasant expression plastered on my face. But, after ten minutes or so of salon-for-preteens talk, I'm fairly certain that the fake smile was fooling no one.


THE INTERNET ADDICTION

A few hours after being officially released from room-mom duty, my little family was jammed into our little SUV heading towards a little rental house in what we on the East Coast call "The Shore."

After last year's "vacation" with cancer-kitty...well, what can I say except that everything's easier without a dying cat.

But at least last year, we had a great internet connection in our rental. This time 'round I was forced to confront my dependence on all matters online.

We found we could latch onto an unsecured network BUT only in the morning and evening...and even then only on the roof deck or one very specific spot in the bedroom being used by my parents, while standing on one foot balancing an aluminum foil cone on one's head. (Well, kidding about the last part, but just barely.)

Luckily, my dad also had his laptop in tow, and understood my deeply-seated psychological need to make sure I wasn't missing some important piece of spam e-mail. So he good-naturedly accommodated my frequent intrusions into his sleeping space in my quest for the elusive internet connection, and we bonded while sharing connectivity updates.

I believe I'm now supposed to write something profound about how technology is sucking the free time out of our lives. But...um...I really like technology. And relaxation isn't all it's cracked up to be.


THE ACCIDENTAL COLOR

For years, I've been trying to make pallor into a fashion statement. So, you'll understand my upset when someone remarked that I "got some color" while on the beach.

Honestly, it was purely accidental, and I promise to be back to my goth-like ivoryness very soon.


THE JOY OF WALKING

And finally, I discovered the beauty of being able to walk instead of drive. Here in suburbia, walking has no purpose. Oh yeah, there's the walkin' the dog contingent... but jeez, I can't think of any better way to ruin a leisurely stroll than to have to interrupt it to pick up freshly-deposited crap.

Being dogless, our only excuse to make the development rounds seems to be to ridicule the neighbors' topiary, but even that gets old eventually.

All as a preface to say how great it was to be vacationing someplace where there was an actual reason/excuse to walk from here to there. Every morning, my husband and I headed out to the local pharmacy to pick up a newspaper. And there were any number of establishments within a 10-block radius of our rental: a pancake house...a 5 & 10...a little mini-golf course...

I can't tell you how much I enjoyed actually walking somewhere (as opposed to going nowhere fast on the gym elliptical.)

So -- three cheers for Long Beach Island!


P.S. THE HOLY GRAIL

My heartfelt apology here to my brother and sister-in-law for introducing their children to Monty Python and the Holy Grail. We saw the PG rating on the box, forgetting that "PG-13" didn't exist in those days. And the fast-forward button was used repeatedly.

Even so, I had no idea my 10-year-old nephew would be able to absorb so much dialog after only one viewing. And that he would be spouting it pretty much nonstop thereafter.

Again, I'm very, very sorry.

Ni!