An Illustrated Guide to Why I Hate Suburbia
It seems our next-door neighbor took it upon himself to add a little extra adornment to our backyard's fence (notice I said "our" fence, as in my husband paid for it...)
It's a lovely screen of wire and wooden sticks, nailed onto the entire side of the fence that divides our yards, from front to back; extending up about 4 feet from the top of the fence.
Red arrows in the photo below added to show the wood posts -- no arrows necessary in real life -- they are quite visible to the naked eye, thank you very much.
Evidently, he's turning his backyard into some sort of makeshift baseball diamond. Keep in mind that we are all on 1/4 acre lots with more house than backyard.
Shouldn't surprise me, since same neighbor decided years ago that his son and friends should try to hit the balls into our backyard for a "homerun." Why our yard was chosen over the other two adjoining ones, I don't know.
I do know that it's meant(for at least the last seven years) that we could look up and see a strange kid in our backyard at any given moment (the back of our house is all windows.) Meaning no privacy in a backyard where we've planted numerous trees around the perimeter for just that purpose.
I've tried to be good-natured about the errant boys - they're just being kids, after all - but I can't help but wonder how many have been traumatized by looking into our house to see me breastfeeding (when that was part of my daily routine) or in a nightgown or towel?
Well, I suppose I can get some satisfaction in that the boys' parents will have to pay for their psychotherapy.
My more benevolent Esteemed Husband thinks at least the wire addition was an effort to keep the balls (and kids) out of our yard. The Cranky Wife thinks the kids are in Jr. High now and will still easily hit one over.
And it just looks like crap.
Our beautifully-industrial New View in more detail
More than anything else, what really irks me is that our considerate neighbor didn't bother to ask us before nailing this monstrosity to a fence that does not belong to them.
Common courtesy -- that's all I expect.
See, we would have said, "Yes," if only in the name of good will (although rightfully I probably would have made some sort of passive aggressive "joke" about it being an eyesore.)
So, while visions of checking building regulations (or just knocking the dang thing down with a hammer in the darkness of night) danced through my head, we will do nothing. It's not worth starting a feud. (Just worth a bitchy blogpost, evidently.)
Who knows? Maybe it's all some sort of twisted revenge...we don't use pesticides on our lawn and so we're probably responsible for an occasional (or two...or twenty) dandelion cropping up in the neighbor's perfectly manicured front yard.
Yeah, not a single tree in their backyard (now baseball diamond) but their grass really is greener.
But our yard has bunnies...
It's a lovely screen of wire and wooden sticks, nailed onto the entire side of the fence that divides our yards, from front to back; extending up about 4 feet from the top of the fence.
Red arrows in the photo below added to show the wood posts -- no arrows necessary in real life -- they are quite visible to the naked eye, thank you very much.
Evidently, he's turning his backyard into some sort of makeshift baseball diamond. Keep in mind that we are all on 1/4 acre lots with more house than backyard.
Shouldn't surprise me, since same neighbor decided years ago that his son and friends should try to hit the balls into our backyard for a "homerun." Why our yard was chosen over the other two adjoining ones, I don't know.
I do know that it's meant(for at least the last seven years) that we could look up and see a strange kid in our backyard at any given moment (the back of our house is all windows.) Meaning no privacy in a backyard where we've planted numerous trees around the perimeter for just that purpose.
I've tried to be good-natured about the errant boys - they're just being kids, after all - but I can't help but wonder how many have been traumatized by looking into our house to see me breastfeeding (when that was part of my daily routine) or in a nightgown or towel?
Well, I suppose I can get some satisfaction in that the boys' parents will have to pay for their psychotherapy.
My more benevolent Esteemed Husband thinks at least the wire addition was an effort to keep the balls (and kids) out of our yard. The Cranky Wife thinks the kids are in Jr. High now and will still easily hit one over.
And it just looks like crap.
Our beautifully-industrial New View in more detail
More than anything else, what really irks me is that our considerate neighbor didn't bother to ask us before nailing this monstrosity to a fence that does not belong to them.
Common courtesy -- that's all I expect.
See, we would have said, "Yes," if only in the name of good will (although rightfully I probably would have made some sort of passive aggressive "joke" about it being an eyesore.)
So, while visions of checking building regulations (or just knocking the dang thing down with a hammer in the darkness of night) danced through my head, we will do nothing. It's not worth starting a feud. (Just worth a bitchy blogpost, evidently.)
Who knows? Maybe it's all some sort of twisted revenge...we don't use pesticides on our lawn and so we're probably responsible for an occasional (or two...or twenty) dandelion cropping up in the neighbor's perfectly manicured front yard.
Yeah, not a single tree in their backyard (now baseball diamond) but their grass really is greener.
But our yard has bunnies...
posted by Cyn @ 4:09 PM
12 comments
12 Comments:
Wow, that's some lovely crap your neighbor put up. How kind of him. When I see people do things like that, I think back to the first episode of The Osbournes on MTV (never saw the show past that one) where Ozzy lobs a huge baked ham into the yard of an annoying neighbor.
May your neighbor be pelted from the heavens by many airborne hams. (Actually, I'd pay to see that.)
I think you have every right to be angry and to say something. I'm seething and it's not even my house! This is the epitome of what I hate about surbanites (I can say this because I am one) - the total disregard for other people's thoughts or opinions.
GRRRR.
Baked ham...hmmm...I like that (okay, and now I'm getting hungry.)
Spencer, I would not call you a suburbanite (you're too cool for that)-- you're just someone who happens to live in the suburbs.
I'm a cool non suburbanite that's not above sabotage. Don't invite me to your house.
Or do.
I prefer bunnies and the occasional dandelion. They really should have asked about that, well, stuff.
Understandable your annoyance at the price of living in suburbia.
Psycotherapy for boys? This was a joke, right?
In the civilized world, nudity and breastfeeding is okay. Though people also don't regulary tromp into the others' yard or nail fences up to items which don't belong to them.
Anonymous,
Probably at least 50% of what I write here is meant to be some sort of lame joke.
Of course, there's nothing wrong with breastfeeding (to the contrary!) but I would be discreet in public or if non-family was around, in keeping with my own sense of modesty...but absolutely not discreet in the presumed privacy of my own home.
So you can imagine my feeling vunerable when I'd see a kid streak by on the other side of the window. But I really don't think the kids saw me.
It's your fence. Rent or buy a cheap reciprocating saw and go all Paul Bunyon on that thing.
Tee hee. (Don't think it hasn't crossed my mind...)
I can think of something worse than that ugly fence. A neighbour with a chronically barking dog. Or, you could retaliate by getting a chronically barking dog as a noise weapon.
I find the title of your post very interesting because only a suburbanite would care about the addition to your fence enough t,o write this post, include photos and add arrows to them. One reason why I hate suburbia is because people have WAY too much time and their hands and write blogs like this. FYI I suggest you never move to a city like NYC or Chicago because your neighbor would have keyed your car by now.
Hey Jovonne - thanks for starting my day with a laugh!
I guess I'm lucky that I lived and worked in a Major U.S. City for 8 years without getting my car keyed (although once some sort of airborne factory acid pitted the finish of my '86 Firebird. And yes, I used to drive a Firebird...so you can hold that against me too ;-)
The bulk of this blog was written 2005-2008...before the prevalence of Facebook and various other social networking sites that now suck far more time out of our lives (suburbanites and city folk alike) than blogging ever did. And when I started, the blogosphere was still a pretty hip place, with readers that might actually realize my tongue is usually planted-in-cheek (and that neighbors should maybe-probably ask permission before nailing something to their neighbor's property.)
Anyway, the Happy Prologue: The offending netting stayed up through two summers (and two winters) but eventually it was so battered the neighbor took it down last year.
But I still don't like suburbia all that much.
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