Saturday, October 08, 2005

From the ridiculous to the sublimely ridiculous

Ridiculous news

The top story on the front page of today's Philadelphia Inquirer is all about Rock-Paper-Scissors (that's RPS to the serious devotee.) ("Step Up & Throw Down")

Evidently there is a whole psychology to the "sport."

According to the World RPS Society, your choice of throw has a deeper meaning.

Rock: Regarded as the most aggressive throw. Players are more likely to use it when they are losing.

Paper: Considered the most subtle, dignified move. It is also viewed as the weakest throw, so players often will not use it when losing.

Scissors: It represents controlled aggression. Players are more likely to use it when they are winning.

It figures the subtle and dignified move is also considered the weakest. An accurate reflection of what's wrong with our society.

Ridiculous pet couture

As seen at the Ye Olde Marlton Fall Festival last weekend -- Fifiany & Co. -- a booth dedicated to jeweled doggy collars and various other pet garb. And perhaps something for the giraffe in your life...?

(Yes, I see the stuffed cat there too, which is an insult to cats everywhere.)

A few days later, at Petsmart (buying food for my smart pets who would go on a hunger strike before wearing a chi-chi collar) I see a clothing display with a large sign overhead reading, "Dogs Need Clothes Too!"


This is why I have cats. Because I couldn't respect an animal that would let you put a Harley Davidson cap on its head (one of the things I saw at Petsmart.) Sure, it's kinda cute in a demeaning way.

Just say you are lucky enough to actually place any sort of head gear on a cat's head. In the milliseconds before the chapeau is shaken off, kitty will give you the most pissed-off look imaginable.

And that's why I like cats.

Sublimely ridiculous scary doll

Somewhere in an upstairs closet is my Madame Alexander doll collection. When I was what is now referred to as a "tween," my mother gave me a few of the pricey dolls to reflect my heritage -- a lovely Irish lass, an Italian wench (well, she was totally un-wench-like, but I just like saying "wench") and a bride (because that is what your ordinary Italian/Irish wench-lass aspires to, of course.)

Evidently, times have changed or Madame Alexander has been hitting the vodka...or something:

And now, for your viewing pleasure the latest addition to the Madame Alexandar doll family, as displayed in the pages of the Signals catalog. THIS IS NOT A JOKE.

If it is, it is an $130+ shipping joke. There are actually miniature faux birds attacking the miniature faux fur of the miniature Tippi Hedren. (I wonder if Melanie Griffith will pick up one for her collection?)

Personally, I can't wait for the Psycho doll with its own miniature swirl of blood spiraling down a miniature drain.


At October 09, 2005 4:16 PM, Blogger Merujo said...

You know I just snorted Coke Zero right up my schnozz seeing the Tippi Hedren Madame Alexander doll. $130 for that? (My mother nearly executed me as a little kid when I decided that her small collection of Madame Alexanders should have the Sinead O'Connor look and I took a pair of Fiskars to them. Bad idea on my part.)

I will bet you dollars to donuts that the only Signals shoppers buying that baby are middle-aged gay men. I cannot see the usual "Kiss Me, I'm Swedish" Minnesota Public Radio-listening Signals customers whipping out the Mastercard for Tippi and her birds. Then, again, I could be really wrong.

I once bought an Arts & Crafts-style rug on clearance from Signals. When it arrived, it was moldy. As in, smelled so bad the Postal Service guy asked me to come take it from his truck, so he wouldn't have to carry it. I had to call Signals and ask them when they started giving free anthrax and smallpox samples with every purchase.

They sent me a new carpet - it was diseased and damp, too. Turns out, part of their warehouse was flooded, but the employees figured tha they should continue shipping out the funky merchandise, regardless. Eek.

At October 09, 2005 10:23 PM, Blogger Cyn said...

Strange...I was drinking Diet Coke when I first saw the doll in the catalog. Perhaps the doll itself doesn't actually exist and is some sort of diet coke-induced hallucination?

I was drinking the Diet Coke with Splenda - although I think I like the Coke Zero is the best of the three versions. I THINK Coke Zero tastes the most like regular Coke, but it's been so long since I've had non-diet that my taste buds have been permanently corrupted.

Actually I have a love affair with diet coke that probably deserves it's very own blog topic. So I'll stop now.


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