Pennlist Script

Monday is a huge day in our household, in that we are actually engaging in an adult activity. (Hmmm, interesting choice of words -- must consult Dr. Freud.) What I meant to say was that my husband and I are having an evening out sans children. (Sometimes a concert is just a concert.)

Anyway, the occasion is a performance by immensely talented singer-songwriter Michael Penn.

A few years back, we were so impressed by Mr. Penn in concert that we joined a Yahoo group devoted to him -- the michaelpennlist. It was the first time I had participated in any kind of organized fan thing since the 70s when I dreamed of being Donny Osmond's Mormon bride, so you know I was really impressed by Michael's performance. (And no religious conversion required.)

Anyway, the Pennlist is a very cool, thoughtful community of music fans generally devoid of the junk that usually mess up these sorts of groups.

However, being a member of a group like this does present a somewhat difficult situation for tomorrow night's concert. For certainly there will be other Pennlisters at the show. And while in theory I like meeting new people that I have common interests with, in reality I suck at the kind of casual conversation this entails.

So, barring a secret handshake, here is a little script I have prepared for any Pennlisters that are attending tomorrow night's World Cafe Live show. All two of you. Stick to your part, and no one will get hurt.

Pennlist script

U = us, as in my husband and I; we generally speak in unison
Y = you

Y: You guys wouldn't happen to be on the Pennlist, would you?
U: Yeah…uh…hi. Nice to meet you.

Shake hands and introduce ourselves and vice versa whereupon I will immediately forget your name(s).

(awkward silence)

Y: Are you from around here?
U: Yeah…uh…(insert vague answer here.) How about you?
Y: (Please give your exact street address so we can stalk you.)
U: Oh yeah, I’ve heard that’s a nice area; although we never leave the house, so we don’t know from personal experience.

(awkward silence)

U: So…have you seen Michael before? (Dumb question, since you’re a Pennlister…)
Y: Yeah. He’s awesome live. Were you at The Point show?
U: Yeah. He was awesome.
Y: Yeah.
U: But we’re just here for the tuning.
Y: (polite chuckle here, please) Yeah… (You plan your escape route.)

(awkward silence)

Y: What do you think of Mr. Hollywood Jr.?
U: Love it. He’s a genius. How about you?
Y: Love it. He’s awesome.

(awkward silence)

U: Have you tried the hummus? It’s awesome.
Y: No, I’m not really a fan of the chickpea.
U: Yeah, we’re generally not into whole legumes either, but in their mashed form they’re quite tasty.

(extremely awkward silence)

U: Have you met Spencer yet? (nothing left to say, trying to divert you to Spencer)
Y: Yeah. He’s awesome.

(incredibly awkward silence)

Y: OK…well…nice to meet you guys.
U: Same here. See you on the pennlist!

Feel free to replace “awesome” with any of the following: “rocks” “sweet” “mind-blowing” “fantabulous.”

Please do not forget the awkward silences. They are integral to creating the general aura of discomfort that we thrive in.