Wednesday, June 14, 2006

Holy Trailer Park, Batman!

Whatever happened to Baby Britney?

Caught an NBC promo for Matt Lauer's interview with Britney Spears that will be aired tomorrow.

There she is, America's favorite child-endangerer, with false eyelashes glued askew. It appears that her toddler did her makeup. (Hey, he can drive; surely he's up to applying a little blush...)

Add some open-mouthed gum chewing, and your Trailer Trash picture is complete.

Matt! Watch out!
Britney's massive child-bearing cleavage is about to attack!


Despite the tabloids reports of trouble on the home front, Spears shares with Lauer that her marriage with Kevin Federline is “awesome,” and that the reports of Kevin living in the basement are false.

What? Is there something wrong with your husband living in the basement? I mean, I bet their basement is "awesome."


At June 16, 2006 8:20 AM, Blogger radiocynic said...

I'm sure you've noticed by now that there is indeed some gum-chewing going on.

At June 16, 2006 12:34 PM, Blogger Cyn said...

Oh, my prose wasn't obvious enough...I saw her chomping away on the promo video.

After accidently seeing bits of the piece whilest doing laundry last night (because of course I wouldn't watch it intentionally) I actually felt very sad.

I mean, Ms. Britney can't help it that she's more bod than brains --and she's basically got the emotional maturity of, er, um...maybe as much maturity as my kitty cat (although I insult Leo's intelligence with that remark)...anyway, she is so freakin' harassed by photographers and she just isn't equiped to deal with it properly.

But most of all, I feel sorry for her little boy and the Spears/Federline creation en utero.

At June 17, 2006 2:59 AM, Blogger spocko said...

I remember LOVING her "I think I did it again" video. The singing, the dancing, the red leather cat suit. What's not to love? And her school girl video? Hotness in the hallways. But I always felt creepy watching them partly because I knew what the producers were doing.

In France they have a singer named Alizee who was set up kind of like Britney. They of course didn't bother with hinting around about how they were going to position her. First big hit was, 'Lolita' another big hit, "I'm not twenty.' another hit? Her singing about being in a bathtub while getting wet. You get the idea. You might have seen her famous dance and the outfit with the red goldfish on it.

Anyway in France the producers are just as straightforward as they can be with Alizee and they were almost as blatant with Britney. "Hey guys, here's a hot girl. She sounds like she wants to have sex with you. Look at her. Don't you want to have sex with you. Notice her body. It's okay. Now buy her records. Be sure to clean up when you are done watching the videos!"

These were adults conciously using potent sexual images of Britney to sell her music. They know what sells and she fit their mold. She was JUST old enough to not make it illegal. And they also played up all the teenage girls that loved her too. (Because is there anything sadder than a bunch of middle age men at a Britney concert? Screaming girls okay, Hubert Humphreys in the audience, not okay. (But hey guys, BUY THE ALBUMS! And videos! We won't tell anyone what you are buying them for. Wink. Wink.)

Of course like any child star, it would have been very important to help keep the kid's head on straight, but it is hard enough raising a kid in real life let alone fantasy pop star life where you have have ANYTHING you want.

Did you read how Tina Fay and some friends had an intervention with Lindsey Lohan? They said, "You are partying too hard and you are going to kill yourself." Britney needs that. Especially when it comes to raising the kid. She needs some advice from a celebrity who went through it.

And I totally understand your sadness. American chews up and spits out it's pop stars. Yes the stars are often willing participants, but you have to wonder, is anyone in her "posse" really looking out for her? She is a human being too.

I just saw Capote and it was fascinating to watch him manipulate the killers for his own purposes. That was an amazing performance to watch. You ended up pissed at Truman because of how he used the killers!
Have you seen it?

At June 17, 2006 8:16 AM, Blogger Cyn said...

Spocko - you seem to know quite a bit about pubescent pop tarts ;)

Capote is on our Netflix queue, so eventually...

I saw an interview with Lindsey Lohan and she did have that same little-girl-lost vibe that Britney gave off...although Britney exuded backwoods stupidity and Lindsey a bit more of a naive drug-addledness (is that even a word?)

To bring things full circle -- Fountains of Wayne does a cool cover of "Oops I did it again" on Out of State Plates. I'm actually quite fond of that song -- it's fun to sing along to. Although I think Britney's voice is god-awful.

At June 17, 2006 4:44 PM, Blogger spocko said...

"Is naive drug-addledness" a word?

It is now. Good description.

Everything I know about pubescent pop tarts Is all done in the name of research for the Vulcan Science academy. I swear!

Linsey is an interesting case. I remember her in The Parent Trap and thought she was amazing. Like Jodie Foster in Paper Moon amazing. Like Anna Paquine in the Piano amazing. Like Natalie Portman in "The professional" amazing.

I think Tina Fay was right that she was getting swept up in the whole celebrity thing and there isn't anyone in her family looking out for her long term health. It's sad.

And if it seems that I'm overly knowledgeable about these girls it's just more research for the Cultural Ministry on Vulcan. They like me to keep up on Earth Movies...

Actually "The Piano" is one of my favorite movies of all time. I love Holly Hunter. The funny thing is that I've only seen it once. I don't know if I really want to see it again. I was so blown away by it the first time I don't want to see it again and notice any slow parts or other flaws.

Well I'm off to see
Cap'n Geech and the Shrimp Shack Shooters.


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