Friday, January 20, 2006

For Sale: One (1) Like New Kidney Stone MIB - Cheap!

For Sale: One slightly-used vintage 1994 Radio Announcer Kidney Stone, in its original lab-issued plastic canister.

Evidently there is a market for such things. After all, William Shatner got big bucks for his stone.

So I thought, well, I've got some perfectly fine calcium oxalate in my bedside table drawer...

I'm willing to part with it for a mere 2-grand or so, which is basically what it cost me to have the little bugger removed from the cozy home it had made for itself in my urinary tract system. That's a real bargain compared to the $25,000 Capt. Kirk's went for.

In the interest of full disclosure, this is actually only part of the original stone. The rock that caused all my misery was broken into small pieces by sound waves after I was suspended in a cloth sleeve and lowered into a metal tub of water while wearing paper underwear. Oh yeah, it was a blast.

For those who have never experienced the joy of the kidney stone, let me give you some highlights.

The pain woke me up from a dead sleep. Could it be a back spasm? Female problem? Oh, perhaps the pissing blood is a sign we need to go to the hospital...?

I was actually eager to drop trou in an emergency room to get a painkiller shot in the butt. It may be the one and only time I didn't mind showing my ass to a stranger. I was happy even though said painkiller shot compelled me to immediately vomit into the little sink in the room. It was that kind of pain.

Well, I needn't go into all the gory details, but a series of indignities followed. Much worse than childbirth.

Hint: if an urologist suggests inserting a stent into your ureter, politely decline.

And the souvenir of my adventure into the land of the urinary tract can be all yours for a just a couple grand! Heck, I'll even throw in the little plastic funnel sieve I had to pee in to catch it.

Paypal gladly accepted.


At January 24, 2006 4:38 PM, Blogger Rabbit said...

Um . . . that's alright. I just got one for Christmas!


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